Tuesday, July 13, 2004

Dressed to Hurl

It's time to start saying "no" to the retro uniform renaissance. Walk around Citizens Bank Park's main concourse and you'll see a slew of t-shirts and hats emblazoned with that bizarre, 1970s Phillies "P," the one with the goofy-looking baseball in its center. And the colors -- the horror, the horror! You'll see caps in the horribly glaring home uniform maroon, and shirts that resemble that era's fey road powder-blues. Yes, I know the Phils won their only World Series in these unis, but there's a reason they were jettisoned after less than 25 seasons' use: Much like the old woman's age spots in that commercial from the '70s (there's that decade again), they were ugly. (Or fugly, as the missus and I put it when something is really heinous.) It's not a look for the 21st century. It screams polyester leisure suits. It yells disco. It bellows AMC Gremlin. It's as much a hideous symbol of its time as Houston Astro orange and Vancouver Canuck brown.

If you have to go retro, Phillies fans, I say do it right -- go back to the turn of the 20th century, when the players wore a cool, block-letter "P." It was much more imposing symbol that the smiley-face, touchy-feely version that polluted the '70s uniforms. And in case you're wondering, the Phils did reach a World Series playing in those unis, in 1915, when they were beaten by the Red Sox. Those Phillies uniforms were extremely effective, producing an ordeal so arduous to Boston that the Sox have been able to win only one other title, in 1918, in the 89 seasons since. And there wasn't a stitch of powder blue in sight.


At July 13, 2004 at 5:29 PM, Blogger Michael said...

The 70s/80s uniforms and logos are cool precisely because they are retro. Yes, I once thought they were ugly, but now I own a baby blue '77 cap and I hope to get a matching jersey. Some day they will look ugly again to me, but they will still be cool because they represent a certain era (and by that I don't necessarily mean the performance of the team during that time).

At July 13, 2004 at 5:32 PM, Blogger Wyatt Earp said...

I hate to say it, but I also liked the blue jerseys. Looking back, I must have been insane, but at the time I thought they were the ginchiest!

At July 13, 2004 at 9:23 PM, Blogger Tom said...

I have to say it: Retro is cool. But not everything old is retro. Like, for example, coyote-ugly, powder blue uniforms. Old. Not retro. Definitely not cool.

At July 14, 2004 at 12:24 AM, Blogger gr said...

i am no longer anonymous. i would like to say that those old uni's are brutal but i like the caps. not as good as the new old caps, but underrated nonetheless.


At July 16, 2004 at 4:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Was Tommy Greene in the Civil War? -- that team was so white they could've passed for a turn-of-the-century unit.


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