Man Bites Man; Film at 9:40

If you don't already have a brother-in-law, I highly recommend that you go out and get one. Among various other necessary duties (furniture moving, beer drinking, video-game playing, etc.), he will accompany you to devastatingly bad movies that your spouse doesn't want to see.

Like, oh, I don't know, Resident Evil: Apocalypse. We caught the late show last night, along with four other hardy patrons, and emerged into the chilly air stunned at the awfulness of the experience.

Look, we knew going in that we weren't exactly about to see Kurosawa. That's the point of our outings, to see bad movies. But there's bad-good, and then there's bad-bad. RE:A was bad-sucky, even by our abysmal standards.

Milla Jovovich is back as Alice, and she's stuck in the middle of a city full of flesh-eating zombies. Or undead. Or Dick Cheneys. Anyway, she and a small band of uninfected survivors pick their way through the city in an effort to locate this scientist's daughter, which will allow them to ... oh, hell, it doesn't matter. Nothing about the movie is worth seeing except for Milla's brief nude scene at the end; the plot is choppy, the writing is laughable, and the acting is sub-community theater. At the very least for a film like this, you hope for decent effects, but judging by all of the blurry camera shots, especially during the many fight scenes, the budget on that ran out about halfway through.

Then again, I didn't see the first Resident Evil, so maybe I shouldn't be so judgmental without having the requisite background to go on. Surely there was some critical nuance that I missed, some character shading that would have better illuminated my viewing, right?

Nah, I didn't think so, either.